Fruit Salad, Fat Rage, and Internet Hooliganism

Can being a victim of someone else’s internet hooliganism lead to an act of fat rage?

If you unknowingly touch someone else’s fruit, can it lead to an act of fat rage?

Somehow I had my very own plus-size version of Sex and the City [2] (coming to a theatre near you!) moment recently. So to speak. Because, as I was sitting in my studio apartment (having given up cigarettes long ago) without a Cosmopolitan (I am ‘cosmo’ enough—I don’t need to drink one, plus I prefer vodka and a good smokey single malt—Laphroaig, anyone? Thank you Jazz Dentist!)[I think I should work for or with Seth MacFarlane, because we both surely suffer from incredible ADD and are originally from Connecticut. That’s reason enough, right?]

Tangent dedicated to Seth MacFarlane
Possibly, but I only thought of that now as I am sitting here to type this at Café Pick Me Up in the East Village in NYC. I have certainly had my fair share of picking up and getting picked up in this café and street corner. No, not for money—no kinky details there unless practically living like a nun [yep, you heard me, a nun!] turns you on. I’ve met many a Russian on this corner.

When I first moved to Manhattan, a Russian friend of mine put a personal ad in a Russian newspaper about me [without telling me] ---and when my phone kept ringing when I was out with work colleagues. I kept answering the phone in Russian—they thought I was either dating a mobster or selling something serious. Neither was true(at that time).

Anyway, I am recently not only the victim of FaceBookhooliganism (my term, I coined it!), and a mild case of cyber-passive-aggressiveness, cyber stalkingism, or perhaps 5thgradeism, or “just-a-little-creepy-for-me-ism” as well as a victim of unknowingly mixing with someone else’s fruit—or the English language version: being lied to by a guy on the internet. And by “lied to” I mean the dude has a girlfriend but was throwing the mack my way—including several mentions of a visit.

I feel safe enough to talk about it here on my own blog in my own words. And, I am sure that other fat girls have gone through the same thing. Indeed, I know others who have. So, I think it is one of the many things we deal with in our culture—fat/size acceptance community and the cultural society of the digital age. And, it is also fair to note that the, I will say BBW world, tends to be a bit incestuous. That’s right, I said it.

This recent event really pissed me off. Not cause I ‘super-liked’ the guy. It was too soon to be in ‘super-like’, but yeah, liked him as there was common ground—except for the lying part: I dug the accent, and am fond of certain facial accompaniments, I like freckles. He seemed nice, claimed to be shameless, and smart. And I am sure I wasn’t the only one pissed off. [I can imagine how gf felt.] First, I don’t like being a victim, who does? And I don’t wanna play that role—in fact, I refuse to. Honesty is important—and apparently very lacking in today’s culture—as well as apologies. Is anyone decent anymore?!!! I mean just look at the news, is anyone faithful anymore?! From politicians to sport figures, to celebrities, to the guy down the block, or your very own internet ‘friend.’ And if it happens to ‘perfect looking women’ {someone’s view of Mrs. Elin Woods}, can you imagine what is happening all across the globe to fat girls? I mean we all have seen enough Craigslist’s Rant and Raves and hateful posts on the subject.

And hey, I don’t want to totally dis the internet and its ability to hook people up whose paths might not have crossed otherwise. And there is at least one particular person who I can think of who met her husband this way. She is a fat girl, and he is from another country. And I get the impression that he is really a good dude. And good dudes conduct themselves that way, ladies. Now, that also means that there are plenty of girls out there that over-compensate, shrug off, and fill in the gaps for those kind of dudes. Please don’t do that. Know your own worth.

Only, sometimes ‘other dudes’ SEEM to conduct themselves that way, and I think there are others who just get caught up in the possibility of not getting caught or a fantasy of “supposing.” That reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” Suppose you were really pretending to be a good guy. And suppose you were [insert member of ethnic group who lives in Europe-ish.] But I repeat myself. See below for further explanation.

Because I know it has happened before—to me, to others, to you, and it is probably (?) not the last time. That got me thinking, though. Upon careful reflection, and a little fact checking, I thought I could use my mis-adventure to help others, set facts straight, and clear my head about what seems to be an era of cyber-lying. And, pissed off usually works wonders for me. I wrote a short film after being pissed off by someone on Craigslist in 2004. Partly, FAT GIRLS FLOAT is fueled with equal parts of love and anger.

I have been a New Yorker since I was 8 (in my head), and am real, straight up, direct and honest. I also believe in doing what I see is best as far as I see the big picture. Friends know when they ask me they will get an often tactful, but honest answer. So, be careful what you ask me. Without Jack Nicholson’s delivery, I realize that sometimes people don’t ask questions, because they don’t want to know the truth, can’t handle the truth, or don’t want to handle the truth. I am also who I am—online AND off. I also want to be sensitive to those involved, should they read this. But, I also want to clearly state—we are not friends, and cannot be friends, nor can we have any interaction. And let me further state that no apologies are warranted from me, as I did nothing wrong. I deserve an apology from said parties, but I will settle for them leaving me alone. I deem such interaction or attempts at such interaction inappropriate.

I think such action is both a simple and seemingly masochistic attempt at a fishing expedition. Honey, you don’t wanna see what’s in my net. Any action taken by any party, therefore, will be considered hostile to the parameter I am clearly setting. As such, you will be treated by me with qualities I hold valuable and conduct myself with everyday: honesty, love, and compassion. And that might mean silence on my part. Anything else or answering questions directly, would result in a direct hurtfulness, of which I refuse to participate; which I do not deem my business. Any attack on my character is my damn business, though; please note.

However, I did state that this post is to aid others and contemplate actions and thoughts that are part of this community, and the public domain of societal and internet culture in general. I also think I am using this as a way to understand how and why men who claim to like fat girls participate in negative behavior on the internet.

I am not here to ‘out’ anyone, but I want to get down to what happened, and what I fear can happen to someone else. One may think that this could be intended as direct hurtfulness, it isn’t. It is an example of something that plagues women in general, and particularly fat women who use the internet as a means to finding a mate. I also think that often times, fat women feel like we are in an emotional-or sexual-drought because of size. And if we don’t feel that way at the moment or at this particular stage in our lives, I think we have all felt that way one time or another. And we cannot say that being fat and finding a real dude isn’t hard, because it is. In this day in age, it is hard for anyone, no matter their size, in my humble opinion. Additionally, this post may be somewhat ‘scholarly’ as it is talking about a term specific related to fat folk.

Upon such reflection, somehow, my very own Carrie Bradshaw question popped into my head.

“Can unknowingly touching someone else’s fruit lead to an act of fat rage?” As I think the converse may equally be possible and/or true: “Can an act of fat rage occur from someone touching your fruit?” Damn, it sounds way kinkier than it is. If ‘fat rage’ isn’t a term yet, you heard it here first, kids. Well, when in doubt, I did what any sensible sexy single NYer would do: I googled.

As it turns out, fat rage has a few meanings, with a short listing of hits from Google.

As we see the results below:

“fat rage” [with quotes]

1. America's Fat Hatred - Newsweek.com
Anti-fat rhetoric is getting nastier than ever. Why our overweight nation hates overweight people.
www.newsweek.com/id/213646 - Cached - Similar

2. Editorial
I call this phenomenon "fat rage" because it's sort of similar to the tragic ... If so, then fat rage serves a purpose and we may grudgingly have to accept ...
www.dimensionsmagazine.com/dimtext/chb/chb76.html - Cached

3. Maine Musicians Exchange - Directory - Management and Booking ...
Fat Rage Productions is a Promotional / Management company based in Lewiston, Maine. ... Fat Rage Productions is proud to be working with Losing Tomorrow, ...
www.mainemusiciansexchange.org/mme/index.php?... - Cached

4. FAT: Rage » Cozette
May 9, 2010 ... FAT: Rage. Posted by Sarah under Dance, FAT, In the Media, Music, Special Events | Permalink | | Leave A Comment | No Comments ...
cozettedesigns.com/?p=1842 - 1 hour ago

and

fat rage [without quotes]

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About 5,330,000 results (0.11 seconds)
Search Results

1. America's Fat Hatred - Newsweek.com
Anti-fat rhetoric is getting nastier than ever. Why our overweight nation hates overweight people.
www.newsweek.com/id/213646 - Cached - Similar

2. America's Fat Hatred - Newsweek.com
Feb 19, 2010 ... And with fat people designated as acceptable targets of rage—and with the prevalence of fat people in our lives, both in the malls and on ...
www.newsweek.com/id/213646/page/2 - Cached - Similar

3. Editorial
I call this phenomenon "fat rage" because it's sort of similar to the tragic ... If so, then fat rage serves a purpose and we may grudgingly have to accept ...
www.dimensionsmagazine.com/dimtext/chb/chb76.html - Cached

4. Acorn Rage Feeder Fat
Acorn Rage Feeder Fat™ is a highly concentrated FATTY Acorn Pellet that is designed to mix with Corn in your feeder to bring in deer by the bundles and ...
www.wildgameinnovations.com/products/feeder-fat.html - Cached - Similar

Where else could you get insider information on bringing deer ‘by the bundles’?

The only link that talks about and kind of defines it, but not exactly with the same meaning I am offering, is Conrad H. Blickenstorfer, Ph. D., editor of Dimensions Magazine, and former NAAFA board member.
Dr. Blickenstorfer states:

In this issue we're throwing political correctness to the wind and tackle an issue that's long been baffling me: Why is it that infighting and backstabbing are so prevalent in movements formed to help oppressed people? Sometimes it's so bad that little actual work gets done because everyone is too busy fighting and holding grudges. With an important task at hand-ending discrimination against fat people-and with a formidable enemy out there-the diet industry-it seems downright weird that infighting and splintering into ever smaller feuding groups absorbs most of our energy.

So here's a theory that might explain some this peculiar dynamic: Are we perhaps mistaken about the primary purpose of our movement? Could it be that one, or the, primary benefit of size acceptance organizations is to serve as training grounds for people who never had a chance to let out their wrath and anger in a fat phobic world? Who hasn't encountered people who act especially, unnecessarily, insensitive and obnoxious, as if trying to live up to the worst stereotypes? Who hasn't shaken his or her head in dismay over the seeming inability of people to get over minor disagreements, instead choosing to go nuclear over them?

I call this phenomenon "fat rage" because it's sort of similar to the tragic escalation of "road rage" where people caught in a common predicament start lashing out at each other instead of working together.

Do size acceptance organizations indeed serve as lightening rods for fat rage, as a place where oppressed people can relatively safely dispose of the rage and frustration of a lifetime of discrimination on the way to assuming their rightful place in society? If so, then fat rage serves a purpose and we may grudgingly have to accept its dissipation as part of our mission. It would also explain why for many people size acceptance organizations are only stepping stones that are no longer needed once the rage is gone. And why movements of potentially millions never manage to attract more than a few thousand members. Food for thought, for sure. Read Sally Smith's article on "fat rage" on page 18.

PS. I went to find Sally Smith’s article, and the link would not connect me.

I definitely agree with Conrad, and this is something that I also mentioned in my Popular Culture Conference speech in St. Louis in April of this year. There is irony there, trust me when I tell you.

So, if I am correctly understanding Conrad, his meaning and definition of ‘fat rage’ is a fat person who lets out his or her ‘wrath or anger’ against the fat-phobic world; in which it may inadvertently let that anger reach a fellow fatty and/or member of the size acceptance community. If you read it differently, please comment. Conrad also likens it to ‘road rage’, where people lash out at each other during a shared experience and/or predicament.

I agree with Conrad, but would like to extend the definition. He does clearly believe that FAT RAGE is a ‘letting go of pelt up anger due to one’s fatness/size’ and/or one’s self perceived fatness/size due to fat oppression and or anger.

I define FAT RAGE as:

FAT RAGE- (noun or verb) (1) a violent fit of anger or fury unleashed however on whomever either by a fat person against society and/or another person, place, or thing due to actual or perceived fat discrimination or fat oppression and (2) a violent fit of anger or fury against a fat person because he or she is visibly fat and/or is perceived or deemed to be fat by an attacker(s).

I am trying to encompass the fact that fat rage can be experienced by someone fat as well as against someone fat.

When I think of fat rage that pertains to ‘against someone fat’ I think of the fat rage that was forced upon Marsha Coupe in London who was beat up on a train for being fat. To me that was an act of fat rage, because the person doing the hitting was enraged at Marsha’s size.

I always felt it was a matter of time before a fat child or fat adult unleashes a fit of rage (fat rage) against someone who was teasing, bullying, discriminating against or just plain mean to him or her—as in a ‘last straw on the camel’s back’ kinda thing. In my film head, I see it as someone who is teased for the last time and opens fire on the bully. [God forbid!] It has probably happened and perhaps not made the news. If anyone knows of a case, please get in touch. As the case of Marsha Coupe was reported, I am sure there are many that are not, sadly.

Ok, now that I have given my definition of what fat rage is, let me next define someone else’s fruit.

You see, I think that we are all fruit, when it comes to love or the looking for love/dating world. Now, we all might not be bananas, but we are all fruit. Maybe the thought entered my mind from having seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, back in the day. As the father of the bride states [paraphrasing] that despite the differences of his daughter marrying a non-Greek: One is an orange, one is an apple—no worries because we are all fruit.

Yes, we are all fruit.
And as such: delicate. And delectable, in my fair opinion.

Back to fruit. Like I said, I think in love, finding the right person is like trying to find good fruit. With time, we all ripen like a piece of fruit, and go on sale at the market. Some, you will find, is not yet ripe and best left on the shelf.

Love, like ripe fruit, is only as sweet as long as you hold it in your hand. Dearly and clearly. And there are times when you reach for what you think is delectable, and after taking a bite, realize it just doesn't give you that satisfactory taste for which you were hoping. Then there are others, which might even be a bit bruised; yet shiningly, despite all pretenses, surprise you. And still, there are those that look seemingly perfect, and yet, are completely devoid of flavor—and/or taste. Lastly, others which as soon as you get them in your mouth--you know you need to spit them out. The peaches of my tree might seem heavenly; but it is the tree, despite its mighty roots, that is nowhere near your supermarket. However, all I can attest for certain is that—I'm fruit. And sweet in the sincerest of meanings.

I like to think of me as bright, higher learned, addicted to cause?, and trying to change part of the world in one particular vein, enjoying the classics and poetry, creative, sincere, artistic, and definitely living with hope for what tomorrow might bring; and learning from what today brought. And trying to savor what's in between.

I am emotionally strong and independent (probably to my own determent), tactile, honest, loyal in every sense of the word (personally speaking), warm, and try to remind myself that humility is best reached through practice.

So how does fat rage and fruit go in the same shopping cart?

So where o where is all this leading? It seems I was engaged in an unsolicited suitor’s web of lies. “I am sure he didn’t mean to.” How is that new or news worthy? Seemed like a nice guy. How was I to know he had a girlfriend? Funny, he never mentioned her. When it became apparent to me, I immediately, and dude—I mean immediately! said my peace, revealed what I knew—and filed off an email outing said person that the jig was up. I want to keep their anonymity as well as my distance.

I think that when a fat girl is pushed to limits of being or feeling ‘disposable’, played with, lied to and the like—she may blame it on her size or the internet community to which many of us belong. I wonder if one fatty is pushed too far, or for “the last time,” can an act of fat rage then erupt? And if so, would it just be considered a simple act of rage or passionate rage, or would it be considered ‘fat rage’ since it ultimately may have to do with one’s size or fatness?

What is this a Seinfeld episode? Is there a cosmic voice:
“Your FAT—NO FRUIT FOR YOU!”

So can someone come out in a ‘fat rage’ at being lied to—a fit of rage based on their size, or oppression from honesty because of their size? What about women, about whom I have read, who find out that their man views BBW porn on the internet. And she is no BBW. Will she then turn to rage against a fat woman for her own frustration at her man’s possible porn-viewing preference? Or what if she is a BBW and he is looking at even larger women?

I have no rage against anyone. Not even the machine. But I do have rage against being ill treated due to size discrimination. [I cannot exactly say that was the case here. This was a case of dude done fat girl wrong by having girlfriend and lying about not having one.]

I RARELY and I mean RARELY engage in unsolicited interaction, and I don’t solicit anyone. [ I didn't in this case either!] I might send a wink or a smile, but again, super rarely. In this case, I was solicited. No one is in ‘this’ community has really ever seen me with ‘a man’ because I am very private, and if I do date—I do not date within the community. Just not my thing for which I need not apologize. There are women who can attest to the fact that I would usually walk away from a man who approached the group of women I was with while at the Vegas BBW Bash. I don’t know why, a self-less act sure, but I was always working, and don’t mix the two. And in all fairness, I don’t really have time to be or spend with anyone in any great capacity. It would be limited to a few hours a week (which would mean me losing more sleep to make up the work slack/difference), or every other week. Seeing as I only get around 5 hours a night, dude! He has to be some dude! Time check 1:25 AM.

My friend Joey at Goddesses laughs when he has said on many an occasion “Kira’s never interested in anybody.” Not entirely true, not entirely false. What I am looking for is quite specific, and from my single adult life experience seems to be increasingly difficult to find: a man with character, a spine, and “a pair.” Throw in freckles, and dude, I’m yours! Queue Jason Mraz.

But the fact of the matter is, is that I do have about 3 personals up. “Ya never know,” is my feeling. One on a size-specific singles website. Now, through that site, which I had once mentioned in a Time Out New York article, I met one person face-to-face about 6 years ago. Seemed nice, nice dinner in my hood, was widowed. OK, I made the mistake about asking about the wife to find that she was ‘accidently pushed’ off a cliff. Literally. I understand that accidents happen, it just made me uneasy and I am not perfect, that I admit. There was no real ‘love connection’, on my part, anyway. Just being honest.

Next, in 2007, through that particular site, there was a long distance interaction that was hot, and seemingly solid, with daily contact for 7 months straight, with a certain man from a certain European country. He turned out to have a link to Margaret Thatcher [I’d explain, but only if you ask.], and a girlfriend of 4 years at the time—with whom he is still, but does not live with as is my current understanding. It was this particular connection that has given me a distinct reason to begin to dislike—and be extremely wary of—a particular ethnic group who reside in aforementioned European country. That does not mean other men in other European countries and America don’t lie to women on the internet. But, let’s just say, in my experience, this one group in particular is 4-0. Those aren’t good odds. I am trying hard NOT to be prejudiced. In fact, I am not, but let’s just say that they have tainted my opinion, nor have they made a good case for themselves. And 2 of which were not ‘internet related.’ And, frankly, I will most likely end up marrying one, because that is good cosmic irony.

What really trips my ass out is that…how does someone knowingly hurt someone else intentionally? What is the motivation behind that non-sense? I say intentionally because, if you have a girlfriend and you are flirting/carrying on, texting, emailing, calling another woman—yo! YO! That is intentionally hurting someone. First, your girl friend, and secondly the chick with whom you are carrying on in a digital manner. Now, I know I am cute, nice, smart, and sexy, (modest, yet humble?) but DUDE! I am so not into hurting others.

I am glad my thoughts—and blog post are not an act of fat rage, but may very well be an act of protest against such behavior and having been a victim of someone else’s lies, and defiantly an act of fat disgruntlement.

O, there is plenty of fruit in the garden of life. You just have to search to find the good apple in the bunch. Man fell from God’s grace at the hand of a woman, nonetheless, but not over fruit—over knowledge.

[In actuality, there are no apples grow in present-day Israel!]

FYI—
“Genesis most definitely records that she did eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So why do people think of an apple? One reason is that the Latin word for evil is malum and the Latin word for apple is also malum.

In the fourth century AD, the word malum appeared in the Latin Vulgate translation of Genesis in the phrase ‘the tree of knowledge of good and evil’. From that time on people began to associate the apple with the fruit which Eve ate.
But Eve did not eat the fruit of the apple tree—she ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.”

So, my advice? Move from passion to compassion, shop elsewhere, find a new market, and switch to whole grains?! Make lemonade if you get a lemon?! Don’t commit an act of fat rage if it can be helped—help yourself instead.

You will certainly find your way, your very own fruit basket—filled with all you need for yourself and for a healthy relationship. And, ya know… you can make your very own fruit salad, too. Or smoothie, or fruit kebabs. I would like to hope that the possibilities are only as limited as your very own imagination. Funny, cause coffee and fruit pretty much make up most of my diet.

May your smile continue, if only, as a piece of life's fruit salad.

The dude next to me just ordered fruit salad. He looked at me when I laughed out loud. You can’t make a line like that up!

Don’t worry about me. I have lived through a lot of rejection, much worse—[this was not even a blip!] a little bit of love, and serious obstacles—of which I have jumped. Didn’t say I always landed on my feet. BUT, I do believe there is someone out there for everyone.

And it doesn’t take an act of fat rage to find him.{Or her, for whomever that applies.}

It kind of makes me wonder, though, if I will be eyeing my produce guy in Key Food next time I go shopping.

Under clearing skies, [Click it!]

KIRA NERUSSKAYA

New York City

Hold the sex. Just the City, please: raw, straight up.
No chaser.

BBW PUNK ROCK!

O…. sigh. Nostalgia. Again. I didn’t wear crazy black eyeliner, I had no safety pin anywhere on my clothes, there was no X on my hand, and I didn’t purposefully rip my black stockings. Those were the days, though!

Recently, I accepted an invite from from 21 year punk rock band and veteran Iconicide’s front man, Chris. You can check out his band here. or thier myspace page.

Chris was hosting a great gig at Otto’s Shrunken Head right here in my hood in NYC.

It was so nice to go and hear some very LIVE music. It brought be back to my youth, as I am definitely part punk-rocker! I spent many a night rockin’ it—in the mosh pit or on the other side of a pen interviewing some of old punk rock’s more unusual acts. I have stories!

There is something to be said about being in a room with a lot of live and positive energy—with or without earplugs!

But Chris is no stranger to Fat Girls Float, in fact he was a kind and articulate subject who answered and email and after a warm conversation and a bit of faith trekked to the East Village to let me interview him, but more on that titillating tidbit in the very near future.

Chris invited me specifically for one reason—to check out Animal Train’s BBW front woman!

C.J. Jacoby is the lead singer and front woman for Phille-based band Animal Train. Take a listen to them on MySpace.

They rocked the house. You can really understand CJ’s lyrics and hear her! Which, if memory serves, is not always a possibility with some punk bands.

I did a brief interview with CJ for this piece. She was an absolute doll. And was truly warm, gracious, open, and offered me a drink more than once. We should have done a shot, next time, girl! It’s on me!

I asked her about fronting a punk-rock band in 2010, and how she is received by the audience. I have seen all sorts of stuff thrown at people during my many years in and out of clubs like CBGBs, so……. I wondered. Her advice to other women was to accept humor (if it’s funny) about size, and don’t take it all so personally.
On getting heckeled, she responded, “If you get heckled, just “rock it! Why harbor it?” And rock it she did! Goes to show you----fat girls can rock, and rock the positiveness of not letting their weight weigh them down! Go CJ!

And the good news is that they are coming back! So, if you would like to join me at their next NYC appearance, please show your mug at Otto’s on MAY 30th at 7:30 pm.
I really thought they were great and truly felt inspired. Always saw myself play a gig at CBs (CBGBs); but… they closed and I went off on another non-punk rock path. But, someday you never know I might wear my very own (size 24) shimmery silver Renyold’s wrap-esque Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth inspired short shorts on stage in an all girl all BBW/FatGirl punk band!

Sigh. Does that mean I need to return to dating long haired musicians? I wonder what the guys from Das Damen are looking like these days? (FYI--They broke up in 1991, married, short hair.—Oh, well.) Hmmmm… thinking, thinking…..I love me some old Dinosaur Jr…… and J Mascis is still rockin’ the long hair.

If I did not have a full-time job, I would certainly add to my list of projects. Then again, I always thought that there should be an all BBW/FatGirl punk band and an all BBW/FatGirl version of the Spice Girls. No, Moulin Huge does not count.

Hmm…… if I did I would have to come up with a name for a band. I used to have them all written down on the other side of my history notebook. But, I don’t think I have that list any more. Let’s see can I think of any?

Well, let’s just say I can’t think of anything kind at the moment.
But, I am all ears if you can think of one!

Because when punk rock is in your blood, it is there forever!

KIRA NERUSSKAYA
NEW YORK CITY, you probably wish you were here!

Deep water and High Waves

I am greatful that I am the person I am.

That I take the high road.

That I am truly kind, or at least try to be.

That I do, live, work, and everything else with class--no matter the size of my ass.

That even when I am faced with harship, no matter now hard, I choose to persevere.

ALL I know, for sure, is that no matter how deep the water, or how high the waves, FAT GIRLS FLOAT!

KIRA NERUSSKAYA
ALL THE BEST DAMN ISLAND IN THE WORLD

NYC, FAT, and Subway Douchery

Move over, Charlie. Fattie on the MTA. O, just click it!

While I am totally in strong like with friend, FGF supporter, and fellow blogger Ivan Greene from FAT in NYC, sometimes there is a bit of fat in NYC that needs to be trimmed. Ah, but what kind?

I was surprised. [Um, was I really? Queue voice of friend and fellow Big Moves New York-er The Obstreperous Ms. Janie Martinez, “Kira, why are you surprised?”]
I was surprised to read in amNewYork—you know, my main source of news—about bloggers who go after unsuspecting New York City subway riders who eat and/or hog seats on the subway. The bloggers charmingly refer to those who do such things as ‘slobhangers’ or ‘hoggers’ and often, “pigs.” No separate category for fatties. Yet. But, they actually talk about us…at seathogs.com. Nicely.

Between service cuts, a possible fare increase, and the building stench and uncleanliness; the increase in vermin; NYC is a tad bit frustrated with the MTA. But, damn, remember the 80s, with our crazy-ier homeless, graffiti train cars, a few old real straps left hanging on, and the muggings. Sigh. The good old days…..?

So, heck yeah, I wanted to check out the sites and see how they treated fatties. And to make sure I wasn’t in any pics. But I must be honest about my MTA subway ridin’ style and ‘my rules’ that I created, like, when I moved here. I have dag-nabbit darn good, indeed, I would say FIERCE MTA ridin’ habits. In fact, I am throwing a party with my friend ‘Al from the bus’ at the end of the year for my fellow M8ers. But I am not without my pet peeves.

First, the.PET PEEVES. In PEEVE-ability order.
Pet Peeve # 1: If you are able-bodied, move your ass out of the ‘eldery and disabled’ seats! I really do wanna scream at people some time—leave those seats empty. They are convenient FOR THOSE WHO NEED THEM! NOT FOR YOUR TIRED ASS. My FAT ass won’t sit there. I have witnesses!

Pet Peeve # 2: People with an extremely high volume on their Ipod headphones. I hate you people, if I wanted to listen to your music I would ask! I don’t expect anyone listening to mine, so I don’t want to listen to yours.

Pet Peeve # 3 Clip your nails elsewhere, like, um, your bathroom! Like, what is your problem, people? Didn’t your Mama teach you any better? Seriously? Seriously?!

Pet Peeve # 4 There NO REASON NOT to clean up after yourself. Littering is illegal. And you should be tarred and feathered! Bring it!

Pet Peeve # 5 Please, please, please let us off the train. Step to the side.


Here is my very own short list of rules to which I abide:
Rule 1: No Reason for Unnecessary Hogging
(Nope not referring to the *OTHER* Fattie Kind. But, if you never read about it, try this. I could not find the Details Magazine article about it. [Um, Janie?]

I am not a seat hogger…….unless there is a pretty empty train (which includes that the wagon/train car has a plethora of seating for a low volume of fellow riders.
AND the max I hog-quite sincerely- is to put my purse down on the seat next to me. And I only take up one seat. As far as I know.

And when I mean my purse, I mean I decided to buy a Jimmy Choo bag, one which grants me morning harassment by this unknown nanny at 125th Street with whom I sometimes share a walk up the stairs. Not because my bag is on the seat—it isn’t at that time of the morning; it’s because she wants it. I told her that I am sure she and Jimmy can make a deal. Canal Street is, after all, on the A train. O, not THAT Jimmy Choo, exactly.

Now there are definitely people who hog seats, with multiple bags, oder (yes, I said it) and the like. And what do I do with those fellow NYers? I tolerate them. I might stare them down if they are particularly rude. And I also stand up when I need to—both literally and figuratively.Part of the fact is that I also take the train at odd times. 6am and 7pm. Not exactly rush hour, not exactly empty.

Rule 2: Be kind (ie.There I go again with that Love Your Neighbor, crap.) Be kind always. Even when it hurts. Like, don’t gauge the eye out of the kid who is screaming “I like blue waffles” on the A train. Don’t stick a shiv into the people who think that I need to listen to THEIR music. Trust me, whatever they are listening to is NEVER on my ipod.

There was a time I sat in pee. There was an empty seat, I was exhausted—especially because it isn’t like I get much sleep 4-5 hours a night usually. And my follower straphangers let me down. I didn’t see it, so I sat. Of course, after I sat, a construction worker dude was like, “O, yeah, that’s wet.” [Thank you MFer Kira said to herself.) And thank you smelly urine dude. I literally had to take off my pants and wash them at work, and then put them back on and ‘carry on Christian soldier.” Thank you black polyester, I love you. But the smell was SO bad, it left me with the impression that it came from an alcoholic. Despite what anyone might think, I said a prayer for that dude. And for anyone else who sat in what he left behind.
Let us not forget that people are freakin’ tired and travel a great distance, much of the time here in NYC. My commute is an hour each way, sometimes and often longer than that. Many are hard working people, immigrant families, or those who know they can make more money with a job in the city, so do the traveling. And the MTA is their only mode of transportation. Must I remind you of our dear friend Emma Lazarus’ words?

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

OK, Emma, I am all about bringing my fellow brother and sister over here. But, they can be neat, right? Must they eat Chinese food/curried goat/McDonald’s, etc. next to me on the subway? I don’t eat on the subway. To me: it is dirty, wrong, inconsiderate, in poor taste, and not good for your health. I don’t think it is good to ‘eat on the run’. And if you need to, I think it better not to do it on the subway. Reason? Filth and vermin. And if YOU NEED to eat on the subway, by all means clean up after yourself! My thoughts and opinions are shared by many a New Yorker.

Yet, these same people do not keep NY clean and that annoys me to no end. Why the F not?! I’ve a riddin’ on many a train, bus, plane, and subway… and don’t understand how Europe can enjoy a cleaner subway system than my own—despite the sheer volume that rides the NYC MTA daily.

These websites/blogs explicitly state that they are ridiculing poor behavior. Part of that I understand, and might even agree with. However, it all depends on HOW you do it. They chose this way. Reminds me of “People of Wal-Mart.” Now, I agree there some people who go out of their homes in outfits that would cause a stylist to have a brain hemorrhage; or perhaps would be best if worn in doors—behind closed doors, but….. they have their right to wear it. This is America! Queue Lee Greenwood.

But some places have amazing dang subways, like Russia for example. And no, there is no soldier with a gun hovering over your kielbasa sandwich if you eat it on the train. In fact, “back in the good old days” no one would be caught dead eating on the subway in the old Soviet Union—it wasn’t, quite simply ever done. It was considered in bad taste--against the standard, bad for the bourgeois and terrible for the proletariat. Most people sat down, crammed in like sardines when need be, and helped babushkas (grandmothers/old women) when asked, and read. Yes. Read. It was silent because people read all the time. You had to be quiet and kind. And if you broke those rules your ass would get handed to you. Even if you were drunk, you knew you should be quiet and read. Unless, of course, you broke out into song. If so, you better have a good voice.

A tangent with no lines. [If anyone actually gets this, I will be in shock.]
For those of you that don’t know, and if my last name isn’t obviously Russian to you, you should know that I spent a considerable amount of time living and working in the Soviet Union and Russian Federation. When most people say “Russia” many iconic images come to mind for the non-Slavophil: The Bolshoi Ballet, Red Square (which is not really red—and I can prove it!), VODKA, fur hats, the long lines of the Brezhnev era, and these days—millionaires, oops; I mean billionaires. And we can make a special note of one favorable fat art admiring billionaire when we recall Roman Abramovich’s $33.6million dollar purchase of Lucien Freud’s 1995 painting of Benefits Supervisor Sleeping in May of 2008. That “fat art” thought made me also recall Freud’s After Cezanne [1999-2000], which also features people as he liked to paint them "not because of what they are like, not exactly in spite of what they are like, but how they happen to be." This painting features two women, one of which is plus-sized, in my opinion. Hey, he might not be a fatty lover, but he is open to different shapes, clearly. But, I digress. Or am I just ‘thawing’ out my ideas?! Ah yes, retro Cold War humor! Nostalgia, folks, na-stal-ghee-ya. Yeah. Sigh.

Onward, Russian soldier. One of the many delights (yup, you heard me right) of traveling in the former Soviet Union/Russian Federation is the splendid subway system both in Leningrad [that’s what we called ‘Peter’ when I first arrived] and Moskva (Moscow).

But, it seems, that other places are cleaner. Did we just give up? Are we THAT tired that we can’t clean up after ourselves?!

Now look at the ridership of many of the subway systems I have ridden. NYC totally kick’s your city’s ass in ridership!

San Francisco BART daily ridership 346,504 (Jan-Mar, 2009), wiki
Washington D.C. Metro daily ridership 801, 400
Paris Metropolitan daily ridership 4,500,000
Boston MTA 1.3 million weekday/all modes
London Underground daily ridership 3.4 million weekdays
Saint Petersburg Metro daily ridership 3.43 million
Moscow Metro daily ridership 6.6 million average
NYC MTA daily ridership 11,574,566 weekday/all modes


OK, so NYers tired of what they see below ground, take it to the internet to bitch-slap those who help to create the mess.

But, the question remains, how do they handle the fat issue?

Site # 1: www.seathogs.com
Since October 2009, www.seathogs.com, has been keeping track of those who have been “hogging” seats.

They state:
This site is dedicated to outing all NYers or NY subway visitors to hog a
seat in some way, form, or manner. The reason, says seathogs.com is due to
selfishness.

I don’t think that is always the case, as I think the average NYer,is probably too stressed or tired to pay attention to what they are doing some times. Yet, this is NYC, you need to pay attention—all the time. Someone might steal your purse, you might get hit by a cab, you might encounter a pick pocket or Mayor Bloomberg might decide you aren’t rich enough to live in the 212. Oops, he already did that.
I have to give them some props on the fatty issue to seathogs.com.

They put us at number one in stating the following:

“Here Are Some Common Examples of NOT Seat Hogging:
1. Fat People Who Spill Over Into Adjacent Seats are generally not considered
Seat Hogs unless someone has paid money for the seat next to them.” {
OK, maybe not what everyone in the size-acceptance community wants to hear,
but………..we aren’t being considered seat hogs. It is, somehow, in some small
way, a step in the right direction? I see it as positive. And I thank them for
knowing, appreciating, and accepting that people, and fellow NYers come in all
shapes and sizes.

But they rate people by casting a vote in “pigs.” Dude. Ok, you are going with your theme, I get it.


Site # 2 www.trainpigs.com
This site is primarily dedicated to those who eat on the subway, leave behind items, and litter. When you live here and gotta look at it day in and day out—it’s gross.
From a commuter’s paper that taking up ‘extra’[?] space, to those who eat on trains and train platforms. I appreciate the sentiment in trying to generally, literally, point the finger [and a camera] at those fellow NYers or visitors who can and often are keeping the momentum of vermin writhing under our feet, quite literally on some days. Clean up after yourself, is that SO HARD? Seriously?!

However, frankly, I totally agree with the woman who flipped the bird. If Thou click, thou might get ass kicked. This is New York, yo! I wonder what my lawyer says. Hmm.. Scottie?

Site # 3 http://www.subwaydouchery.com/
I am not sure if this was a way to gain noteriety for his comedy, amuse himself, or perhaps, it seems that this Brooklynite hates subway douchery, as we all do, for the most part. Yet, Tom Sibley is talking and blogging about his hate for the douchbags underground.

Breast feeding, throwing up, peeing on the train. Yeah, that is subway douchery all right. Why o why do people do it? Because they can?

One interesting comment reflected on subwaydouchery.com, “I love NYC subways. Anything can happen.” True that.

One person’s subway douchbaggery is another person’s free entertainment.
“Crazy drunk trannys pole dancing,”
or guys rick rollin’ it (actual term! Damn, the sh*t you find on the internet!)
University of Oregon accapella group On the Rocks rickrolled us recently.[Dudes—shout out from a fellow UO duck! Dude the blond with the beatbox—you go, brother!]

That IS part of the fun! That is part of why I DON'T live in suburbia ( I could be persueded, though, maybe, perhaps.)I find it hilarious, anyway. Way more hilarious than sittin’ in urine, getting blasted with lively and loud Spanish music at 6:30am, or I do have to hand it to fellow NYers who kick ass in the ‘creative grafetti’ category. And if you ever want to see some serious grafitti, you should check out the documentary that premiered at Tribeca in 2007, Bomb It!

Despite grafetti being illegal, or “morally wrong in defacing others’ property;” there is some which I simply could not live without!

Although, thanks to this site, I was able to solve and age-old question for me and fellow Big Mover, Suzi Tasca. Visit this link, Suzi. I think I found the culprit. We kept hearing this guy, but could never see him. Explains a lot, right?!

Site # 4 www.poleleaningdouchbag.com [Northface jackets, optional.]
A site dedicated to those who lean on the pole and do not allow others to use it. Simple enough, with a good point. Make room, yo! And the one Biggest Loser post, was about a woman completely leaning against the pole, not her weight.

A simple agenda to socially humiliate the wrongdoers into doing the right thing. I abhor the fact that one site tells you how to snap a picture.

In every New York minute, people are always moving. The best description I ever really heard that captured it was in Russian, where a friend said , “New York kipeet,” which translates as “New York is boiling.” That being said, we are all on the go to go somewhere else, do something else or someone else—or their friend—(not me, but I do read) and as a result for many, that means eating on the run. Practically every block you can see someone sipping coffee as they walk, the coffee cup has become a fashion accessory for many. And from where you buy your coffee says something about you.

I mean I know our apartments are small and all that, but, really, it isn’t an extension of your home.

Even more recently www.metro.us came out with a brief article interviewing author Robert Rowland about his new book “Breakfast with Socrates: An Extraordinary (Philosophical) Journey Through Your Day, who states we should “Love They Neighbor.” Even on the subway. Part of which, he invites us to “Stop dreaming and start living.” Jimmy DELAVEGA, can you hear me?

NYC is a grind. It is a tough crowd in many ways. And we definitely have it harder in some very real ways. Try paying my rent! So….if we all have it hard—make room for everybody, because there is room for everybody.

And let me close with my recent fatty issue on the M8. As Al and I were sitting there having our morning chit-chat (quietly!), Ms. Must Sit in First Seat-less-than-charming-totally-graduated-from-high school many an era ago-thinks fatties must die-could seriously use Botox, like, um, all over—decided to mimic my size with her hands and mouth the words “too much, too much.” She had made other faces and or gestures over the past 2 years, but I could never prove out-rightly that she was 1) talking about me specifically [even though I knew she was], 2) was not as overt about it (even thought I knew what she was doing). So, on her last gallant failure, I decided to say something and what I said was: “Lady, your prejudice is way bigger than my body!” Smiling, and exit. It was kind fat activism in my opinion. I stood up for myself, and did not ‘sink’ to her level. Why? Because Fat Girls Float.

KIRA NERUSSKAYA, Near perfect NYC MTA etiquette and “Love Thy Neighbor’ enthusiast.

NEW YORK CITY, but wishing I was watching the sun set in Galway……

Alive and well, and ridin’ the M8, A Train, D Train, and M18 daily
with my Unlimited Metrocard.

PS. Please note that Charlie’s wife gave him a daily sandwich.
But, I doubt he was fat.

Too Fat to Fly? Kevin Smith and SouthWest Airlines

Ah, yeah. Hello Kevin Smith. Welcome to the land of fat prejudice. Sorry, we really don't have a welcome basket full of goodies, just a big slice of reality.

Kevin Smith kinda has a special place in my heart, and here's why:

I remember standing outside the Billagio in Las Vegas with Corinna
Makris and her friend Steph during the Las Vegas BBW Bash in 2006. It was the
very first shoot for FAT GIRLS FLOAT.
And when we got to the taxi line. Corinna and Steph were talking, and I got
a little quite and introspective. I was thinking about 'what am I doing?', 'am I
sure I should be doing this?', and getting a little quiet. Basically, second
guessing myself. I remember thinking to myself, "I know I am probably part
crazy, and I am sure I will get some sort of sign that even though all this is
possible and necessary-these stories need to be told- it is nice to have a
little worldly, or perhaps divine confirmation." And then it happened. I was
looking around. And in the taxi line I saw KEVIN SMITH. He was in line with his
parents. Now it seemed pretty certain that he was in the taxi line, and no one
noticed him. It looked like some guy in the taxi line with his parents, not a
famous movie director. I looked right at him, and recognized him. We made eye contact for a second or two, I smiled, he looked away (but he had that look like, I have just been recognized on his face) and got in the taxi with his parents. "Good-bye Kevin Smith" I mumbled, "See ya around some time." That was my sign. HA! Well, that's how I took it anyway.

What can I say.. I love me some fat film directors. (sorry, Kevin, Dave Garret [Ten Stories tall] will always be number one for me)

Corinna, do you recall that?!

Well, Mr. Smith, I don't think you deserve special treatment because you are a celebrity, and I don't think you do either.

I agree, if you can sit in the seat, with both arm rests down, whether or not you need a seat belt extender, you are in. And ready to fly.

Flying should not be an unpleasant experience for anyone.

I fly. I buy one seat. I use my own extender. No one has complained. I also have not flown SouthWest because they have been pretty much anti-fatty for some time. Nothing new there.

I went to TMZ.com to read the comments about Mr. Smith's experience.

And I am always appalled by the general public's comments on such cases considering fat. I am not surprised, however. I guess because we are all working for a day when Post-Fat will be achieved---size neutrality.

Here are some of my faves:

Laney said "Fat folks are very selfish people in general."

How are we selfish? Can't figure out that comment.

I agree with one poster, Tony, who said:

"Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but, I figure, if a 250 pound dude is a "safety
risk", I'm not sure I feel very comfortable on Southwest airplanes! Are they
worried that too much weight up front might tilt the airplane? What is the plane
made out of, tinfoil?"

Amen, brother. I mean, it is not AEROFLOT, ya know. We actually DID have to disembark the rear passengers before the front passengers so as not to tilt the plane!

Some felt they don't think Mr. Smith was "too fat," but yet that the airline handles the issue poorly. If you are bad to one customer, chances are you are bad to others.Good customer service is good customer service, period.

One body builder recalled that his shoulders are too broad and he does not fit into one seat--but isn't fat. He chooses to buy two seats.

I am looking forward to 'hearing the whole story " on Mr. Smith's SMODCAST.

In the mean time, thank you, Mr. Smith for standing up for yourself, and not handling this quietly...size discrimination all too often gets swept under the rug.

On a lighter(?) note......

As Mr. Smith battles SouthWest, I continue to battle Windows Vista, who I think is size neutral, but a big pain in my ass.

Speaking of which....

Ah, yes. Today is February 14th. The day many equate with love. That being the case, all I can do is remember and remind: Love YOURself, Love YOUR body, Love your neighbor and love your neighbor's body (respect everyone).

And with that, I leave you with a pic of yours truly, a real fat ass that will never be found on a SouthWest flight.

Love.

Fatties of the world, U N I T E!

--Kira Nerusskaya
New York City

......just over the bridge from New Jersey, Mr. Smith. So, how about that interview?

Final PS: Corinna--for the record, I was 'reading' TMZ.com NOT watching...and NO KITTENS were killed in creating this post!


***for some reason links would not insert***

ABC NIGHTLINE BIG FAT FACE OFF

Is it Okay to be Fat? “Nightline” tackles this question and other delicate questions related to dieting and obesity and how it relates to heath in a “Face Off” to air Monday, February 22. This will be the program’s fifth “Face-Off,” a series launched two years ago that is a debate style format where hot topics get discussed among prominent voices in their field.

The “Face-Off” is scheduled to take place Friday, February 5th at The Cooper Union’s historic Great Hall in New York City. Crystal Renn, model and author of “Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves” and Marianne Kirby, co-author of “Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere” will face-off against MeMe Roth, president of National Action Against Obesity and Kim Bensen, author of “Finally Thin.” Renn and Kirby advocate against constant dieting and contend that you don’t have to be thin to be healthy while Roth and Bensen advocate against an obese America and believe in the importance of a responsible diet.


The “Face Off” will be moderated by co-anchor Cynthia McFadden and held at The Cooper Union’s Great Hall in New York City on Friday, February 5th at 4:00pmET. To obtain media credentials, please contact Alison Bridgman at 212-456-1578; alison.bridgman@abc.com. For more on the story visit: http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/fat-question-debated-nightline-face-off/story?id=9718202

What: “Nightline Face-Off – Is It Okay to be Fat?”

Who: Crystal Renn, model and author of “Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition, and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves” and Marianne Kirby, author of “Lessons from the “Fat-O-Sphere”

MeMe Roth, President, National Action Against Obesity and

Kim Bensen, author of “Finally Thin”

When: Friday, February 5, 2010

4:00pm-5:30pm ET

Where: The Cooper Union’s Great Hall

The Foundation Building

7 East 7th Street (btw 3rd and 4th Aves)

New York City


SIGN UP AND JOIN THE FUN!

ABC NIGHTLINE BIG FAT FACE OFF

Is it Okay to be Fat? “Nightline” tackles this question and other delicate questions related to dieting and obesity and how it relates to heath in a “Face Off” to air Monday, February 22. This will be the program’s fifth “Face-Off,” a series launched two years ago that is a debate style format where hot topics get discussed among prominent voices in their field.

The “Face-Off” is scheduled to take place Friday, February 5th at The Cooper Union’s historic Great Hall in New York City. Crystal Renn, model and author of “Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves” and Marianne Kirby, co-author of “Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere” will face-off against MeMe Roth, president of National Action Against Obesity and Kim Bensen, author of “Finally Thin.” Renn and Kirby advocate against constant dieting and contend that you don’t have to be thin to be healthy while Roth and Bensen advocate against an obese America and believe in the importance of a responsible diet.


The “Face Off” will be moderated by co-anchor Cynthia McFadden and held at The Cooper Union’s Great Hall in New York City on Friday, February 5th at 4:00pmET.

What: “Nightline Face-Off – Is It Okay to be Fat?”

Who: Crystal Renn, model and author of “Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition, and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves” and Marianne Kirby, author of “Lessons from the “Fat-O-Sphere”

MeMe Roth, President, National Action Against Obesity and

Kim Bensen, author of “Finally Thin”

When: Friday, February 5, 2010

4:00pm-5:30pm ET

Where: The Cooper Union’s Great Hall

The Foundation Building

7 East 7th Street (btw 3rd and 4th Aves)

New York City


SIGN UP AND JOIN THE FUN!